INUNDATED

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I can minimize the amount of activities I have going on in my life. My kids have both said to me recently that I never spend time with them, and they are right. I am always with them though or doing things FOR them, so it's so easy to forget to actually spend one-on-one time with them. The truth is, I have too much going on and I don't know how to stop it all. I just feel like I don't have a choice...

1) I work full time (5 days a week). I leave my house at 7:30am and get home around 6pm every night. So..I am not home that often. PERIOD.

2) I am the PTSA Vice President at Gabe's Junior High, which means that I have to attend/volunteer at every board meeting, PTSA meeting, and school function. (approx. 3 days/month)

3) I am heavily involved with Marissa's elementary school. I am not on the PTA board per say, but I do go to/volunteer at every board, PTA meeting, and school function. I also TRY to help at least once a month in her classroom. (approx. 3 days/month) 

4) I am Marissa's Girl Scout troop leader. We have meetings twice a month and field trips twice a month. I also spend a lot of time prepping for these activities. I usually do this from work, but not always because..well..I actually should be working this from work. (approx. 4 days/month)

5) I "go" to school. I don't actually GO because I am taking all online courses, but it's still a lot of work. I SHOULD be studying AND doing work everyday. But I don't. Typically I do homework/quizzes during two days of the week. If I have a paper to write then I spend an extra night writing a paper. BUT, I try to do most of my work during my breaks at work or after the kids go to sleep. (approx. 8 days/month)

6) I am a part of a mother's club in my neighborhood. We meet once a month (sans kids) just to relax and have fun (sometimes I skip it). Every other month they have a function for the children (we skip this too sometimes). (approx. 1 day/month). 

7, 8, and 9?) Marissa has dance class every Saturday AND we usually have at least 3-4 parties (baby showers, birthdays, etc) to attend every month. Oh, and did I mention that last weekend I volunteered at a step-up for down syndrome event? I mean, I thought the kids would appreciate working side by side with me. Nope. They just sat to the side and entertained themselves. (approx. 5 days/month).

So, if you can do the math that means that I am pretty much left with about 5 days a month when I have nothing to do. During those five days I am usually SO exhausted and done with life that I want to be left alone. :-(

This week happened to be a week with FOUR of those days. Yay! I was so excited when I noticed that my calendar was empty this week and THEN I had two good friends deliver their babies. Monday, I stayed at one of their houses with their children while she had the baby. Tuesday, the other friend had her baby, so I picked her daughter up from school and then went to visit her. Last night, I went to see the other friend who's kids I stayed with. That all left me with ONE night during a month's time where I have NOTHING to do. That one night is tonight and I still have to prepare Marissa's costume for an event on Friday night (which will take an hour or so). So, when exactly do I get to spend time with my kids, with my partner, even alone? WTH ?! When do I get a break?!

It's not like I am overbooking myself on purpose. It's not like I am out partying. It's not like my kids are with a sitter. I mean, they are with me most of the time. I try to only go to things that they can attend. I also tend to only be friends with people that have children so that I am attending kid friendly functions. Also, if you notice, most of the things I am doing are FOR my children. In my head, I am being a good parent, in their heads, I am constantly neglecting them. I feel so torn. I don't know what to give up. I feel like I need more hours in the day and more days in the month. Ugh.

Are you overbooked as well? How do you handle it?

Parenting decisions are hard

I grounded Gabe (13 year old son) this week for being disrespectful. I admit I have always allowed him to question things and give me his opinion. I have even allowed him to talk back many times with no huge consequence (big mistake). Well, a few days ago we were driving and he got really mouthy with me (out of frustration because I forgot about a previous conversation we had) and he first told me that I must have some type of mental problem because I don't remember anything, then he proceeded to tell me that I must have lost my mind. WTF?! I am guessing he was needing some "physical" attention and was hoping that I would turn around and deck him. Instead (sorry Gabe) I calmly told him that he was grounded to his room (1 week) and has lost all privileges. Well, he then said "I don't understand why I am grounded. I wasn't joking around. I was being serious." I started laughing while thinking "Wow HE must have lost his mind." I then told him that was EXACTLY why he was grounded because he thought it was perfectly okay to take to me like that and he needed some time to himself to think about the way he has been talking to me lately.

Well, he has been doing pretty well until last night when he got in trouble for getting out of bed FOUR TIMES (what is he two?!) to ask me some freakin random questions. When I reprimanded him (the last time) he walked away and called me a jerk. OMG. I really think he wants me to beat him. lol. So, needless to say I extended his grounding time and he is not happy. He wouldn't even talk to me this morning. I really don't care, as long as he is not saying hurtful things.

So....the point of this was not to complain about Gabe or tell you about my poor parenting skills. The point wasn't to point out how I am justnotTHATmom who has perfect, well-behaved, and always respectful children. The point was to figure out what to do. Gabe wants to participate in a garage sale this weekend at his friends house and sell some stuff. Well, I DON'T want him to because he is grounded. I WANT him to because he owes us almost $80 for different costs for his bearded dragon (that was supposed to solely be his physical/monetary responsibility). So, what do I do? Let him leave the house and go have fun selling things (because he does love it) and get paid back my $80. Or do I make him stay home and face the consequences of his behavior, and wait for months until he makes enough money to pay me back. 

Ugh. Decisions.

What do you do when your child disrespects you?

Are there times you have not followed through on a punishment? What was it for?

Our first big storm

The view from on my drive home today. (i was stopped of course :-) there were SO many flooded streets. Crazy for our first heavy rain!

Sometimes my heart hurts

The more I think about how much I am justnotTHATmom, the more I realize that there are ways that I am THAT mom when I want to be. I have a huge heart and sometimes I care too much. Sometimes I am not realistic. Sometimes I neglect my own needs to care for others. It's hard though, with all of the people that "need" in our world. How can I NOT give? I just started thinking about homeless children today and how they don't really get to celebrate their birthdays and how sad that is. It's sad that they probably don't even know what day it is, and if they do they won't get a birthday party with cake, and friends, and presents.
Sometimes I feel helpless when I think about things like that. But then I remember the things I CAN control. Like last year when I had my Girl Scout troop make "care packages" for ten children at our local school for homeless children. That felt nice knowing that ten little kids would be opening them up and be excited to receive something new (even if it wasn't toys or candy). I guess Paul Shane Spear was right when he said "As one person I cannot change the world, but I can change the world of one person." What have you done lately to help change the world for one person?

It's all about presentation

Doesn't this look yummy? It was! This is a Stouffer's Farmer's Harvest Frozen Meal. I always heat up my meals (frozen or leftovers) and then put them on a plate to make it feel more like a real meal at home. It makes me feel better. :-) What do you "fancy up" to make yourself feel better?

Encouraging the Heart...

is the training I attended today. It was SO informative. We learned about encouraging and motivating people in our lives (mostly in the workplace). It really got me thinking about how much I complain about how negative things are at work AND home, and how bad I am about NOT encouraging others (including my own children. I guess it's because I am justnotTHATmom, but still...I really need to work on that. Right?! On a happier note...did you see the fun things they put out for us to play with? I totally used the Etch A Sketch to keep my ADHD self focused part of the time.

Sometimes..I can relax..and just be THAT mom

This is me cuddling with my beautiful daughter Marissa.

She read me a story that was funny and reminded me of her.

   Then she asked me to tickle her back (which is when she passed out). 

p.s. Look! She got her ears pierced Saturday and is still SO excited.



I am justnotTHATmom

This is my first blog, so I think I am supposed to write something amazing or fantastic. The thing is...that won't be happening, because I am justnotTHATmom. I am justnotTHATmom that blogs about how great my organizational skills are, or about the cute little craft I made with my kids this weekend, or about the wholesome (from scratch) meal that I prepared for my family last night. I won't be blogging about those things, because I am justnotTHATmom.

I try to be THAT mom, on occasion, and I will most definitely share those experiences with you (because they are usually hilarious...me trying to act like someone else and all). I am far from being THAT mom though. I like to consider myself to be a real mom; a mom that is far from being perfect. I have accepted it and I am willing to admit it.  

I know there are many blogs out there that are written by THAT mom. I absolutely love reading those blogs. I strive to be like those other moms, however, I'm justnotTHATmom. If you are reading my blog to improve your (insert word here) skill(s), then you have come to the wrong place. However, if you are looking for a real mom, a real woman, a real friend, a real person, that tells the truth (good and bad), then you have come to the right place. I am THAT mom; The one who doesn't sugar coat how hard being a parent can be, and how hard life can even be, and especially how hard trying to be THAT mom can be. I am..well..me..I am justnotTHATmom. Take it or leave it.  :-)